Yinon
He was a soldier who never wanted to be one
He didn’t believe people should be forced
But didn’t want to be kicked out of his own country
I met him on an organized trip
I liked him because he reminded me of my first boyfriend
And there was something really non threatening about that
He had the same blue eyes
And an even skinnier build
One of my friends joked
That he looked like he was eight
I motioned to him
To sit beside me on the bus
We talked about music
bands like A Perfect Circle
he was a drummer always drumming on table tops
and surfaces
we walked around
holding hands kissing
he made me feel less alone
in a group full of strangers
more accepted
those three days
he told me if he fell in love with me
it’d be a problem because I was leaving soon
I nodded
He was adventurous
He fingered me in the bathroom once
As my roommate sat in the next room
Talking on the phone
She never knew
He wanted us to sleep together that last night
Thought it was sweet that up til then I’d only slept with one other person
Quaint, innocent, childlike
I couldn’t do it
Couldn’t bring myself to go all the way
I like to know someone first, I told him
I’d held out forever with my last boyfriend
I think in the beginning, he said carefully
It doesn’t matter if you sleep together or not
So you might as well
I mean, it’s only once the first wave of attraction passes
That you know what’s real or not real anyway
I loved his thinking
But I couldn’t do it
He left complaining of blue balls
And we never spoke or saw each other again
But the poetic sound of those words I never forgot
It was such an unusual way of putting it.
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