unfastened seatbelts on your heart episode 9
Desirae told me she wants to have a kid the other night. She came flat
out and said it, no beating around the bush. When we first met, I
loved how she’d just speak her mind, how she’d say the things everyone
else was thinking but was always too afraid to say. Des is never
scared of offending anyone. A lot of people pretend not to care what
people think, but Des truly doesn’t. Like, if she has something to
say, she’ll just say it, you know, and fuck everyone. She’s like that,
my girl. She just runs her mouth. The thing is, she doesn’t always
think before she says stuff, and that’s sometimes the problem with
her. She’s like an overexcited kid, she gets these ideas, and cause
she’s so cute when she’s into something, you want to go and make her
happy, but it’s crazy, cause I’m still using, and she knows it, even
if she pretends not to, even if she turns a blind green eye she’s
still seeing it, you know? We have no money, and frankly I’d rather
spend it on the stuff it takes to make me happy, I mean besides what
kind of father would I be if I couldn’t keep myself satisfied? H for
me is like fashion is for women, or sports if for jocks, it’s just
essential, it’s just what I need, it’s just that simple. But according
to almost everyone, ever, that would make me an unfit parent, so it’s
kind of a no brainer, I mean come on.
I love Des, I really do. I have no idea where it even came from. I
mean, we’d been fighting all the time, yelling and she slept on the
couch for like a week, and now all of a sudden she’s whispering things
to me at 5:00 am about how she wants to have my baby. I mean, a part
of me thinks it’s really romantic, and she’d be a swell mom, she
really would. But it’s not the right time. Not now, no way. I told her
maybe though, cause I could see the hurt on her face. I can’t say no
to her ever. It’s one of the biggest differences between us. I’m
always afraid of offending people. Worst of all for me is hurting her.
I’ve never loved anyone in the world the way I love Desirae.
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