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If I could, I would tell you all the reasons I am angry with you
I would list them, number them, organize them as neatly and
articulately as I could
Use big enough words to impress you
Throw in some legal jargon
I cheated off your test in standard two
I don’t know if you ever knew or even remember
I copied all the information about cumulus clouds and rainflow
The whole diagram that you knew off by heart when we had a pop quiz one day
I fooled the teacher into thinking I was smarter than I was
But I never fooled you
You’re a big shot lawyer now, but you’re never big enough
You never earn enough
You’re never secure enough
I’m still an artist who plays with paints and spends too much and eats
too much crap
And doesn’t go the gym enough
I’m not as lonely as we used to be
Remember when we were teenagers, nerdy
We used to read Ann Michaels and trade notes on writers
Even last year we traded notes on Antjie Krog
Even you had to concede to how brilliant she is
I told you to read more Afrikaans writers- you’re missing out, I
thought, like you always do
You achieve too much, you don’t live enough
But then I live too much I’m sure
I know I do
I know I have
When did we grow apart
When did you start to hate me so much
When did you start to resent me like this
Last year after we fought
After you judged me unfairly
After I lost my temper
After I said things I couldn’t take back
Things I’ve already forgotten
You said you took down all the pictures of us
The one of us wearing puffy dresses at parties when we were ten
The one where were both anorexic and not talking about it
The one when we started to look like ourselves
You are my oldest friend
When I think of my childhood, you’re always there
All our history
In the end everything just dust
Ashes shadows history black out over
And the worst part is you never told me why
You just keep making excuses keep telling me you’re busy keep avoiding
me slowly
Til you phased me out
I’m not angry anymore.
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