on quitting alcohol
While I was in my using phase I always used in quantity. I loved cocktails. Mixing up every kind of drug I could get hold of and seeing what happened. I was always particularly excited by what happened when “too much” kicked in. I used to say “the only dose is overdose”. I always found the idea of “sensible drug taking” mildly revolting. Such an obviously antithetical approach to substance abuse.
Having said all of this I can hardly remember any of it!
It really seems so long ago. As if that was somebody else. I hardly even think about drugs anymore.
I love playing pool and spend four nights a week in my local pub. When I first quit drinking all the regulars teased me mercilessly and incessantly. Now everybody accepts and respects that I don’t drink. Not drinking in a bar filled with drunks is the most hilarious experience. It gives total insight and clarity into the delusional state of the alcoholic. Everybody thinks they are getting better at pool as they become increasingly hopeless. Everybody thinks their conversation is becoming deep and profound as it becomes increasingly incoherent.
The only drawback I have noticed in myself is shoulder tension that I develop at about 5pm every day. Round about the time I would usually have had a first drink. The tension lasts for a couple of hours and then goes away. It’s a kind of body memory of the relaxing effect of the alcohol.
I think the biggest threat to the alcoholic who stops is that of losing his or her entire circle of friends. Drinkers, committed drinkers, absolutely LOATHE quitters. There is a deep-seated tension between the groups. Quitters are seen to have betrayed the cause. I think they remind the drinkers of their own weaknesses.
The problem with the new world that the recovering alcoholic steps into is that it is filled with squeaky clean do-gooders who assail one with their nickel and dime pop philosophy and unending platitudes “accentuating the positive”. Bah! So there is a difficult transition period, finding people whose sensibility one shares.
But of course, in retrospect, most of the druggies I hung around with did not share my sensibility, they shared my stash.
And it is partly true that the reason most recovering alcoholics and drug addicts are so boring to “normal people” is that once they get round to talking about drugs and alcohol, THEY DO NOT STOP.
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