kagablog

In the evening he went with several Russians to the sea. It was glowing crystal blue. He took his shoes off and walked into the cold waters, a large black dog splashing circles all about him. While they were there they visited some artists who lived in incredible poverty. A world of broken wooden houses and concrete housing estates. For him, this was the real pornography.

He returned back to Riga in the night, but something special happened to him for a moment. He met a girl named Beta. It was a chance meeting and only lasted a few minutes, but he recognised her immediately (in the poetic sense). Her dark shiny eyes, her wild bleached hair. She couldn’t speak any English, which kept their contact almost childlike.

She took him by the hand, and she laid her head on his lap. They laughed together, and he realised that he loved her, even if just for a moment. A spark in the endless cold night of his existence.
But why was he so attracted to these mad types, so bright in such a dark way?
Another girl where everything would obviously be temporary, everything impossible to build upon.

Although he had a side which was undoubtedly rational, he was still drawn in his heart to mystery. That was why he would never fit into any system and why he felt such a connection to these crazy types. But why was he unable to find anyone like himself, who was able to clutch both these sides at once, without falling off into either one? And there was something else he realised with Beta. That something inside him yearned for this world of no language, a world beyond any steady form. That was probably why he was travelling at the moment. To reach the magical properties of travelling.

He felt that language simplified communication while it damaged the transmitter. In one way it was perfect. In another way it was a perfect disaster.

The windows of the staircase in his apartment in Riga were so blackened by coal dust that even the brightest sunlight allowed only a dim gold-brown circle of an image to filter through. It was like looking out into the last century.