cherry bomb responds to fernando pessoa’s advice to unhappily married women
As a woman, I would not advise following Mr Pessoa’s imaginative advice here, however poetic it is. The point of fulfilling sex for me is to reintegrate body and soul. There is nothing more damaging to my enjoyment and emotional wellbeing than dissociation during sex. Yet dissociating is pretty much the only way to deal with fucking someone you don’t want to. It’s a really destructive thing to do.
My advice to unhappily married women would be to leave, however difficult it is. Being alone is better than being estranged from your body and the body of the person you share it with most intimately.
Granted, the above passage was written in another time where women were not able to choose to leave as easily… And I know leaving is almost always immensely painful and difficult. But I saw how enduring an unhappy marriage for 7 years almost killed my sister’s spirit, and how, when she finally left, she revived as she became fully present in herself again. Her sense of humour, spontaneity and creativity returned. She had become a zombie to cope. She thought she was staying married for the kids… but life at home is far more stable and happier for them now with a mom who isn’t emotionally disengaged.
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