Some of i&I’s close friends were mystified by his sex-life in that they were not sure that it existed. Girl friends certainly existed and i&I was fond of women – so long as they were not intelligent – in a sort of hand-kissing, inactive way. In conversation he often showed a certain coarse approval for rather indiscriminate sex, especially when it was likely to result in the production of more i&I children, but he never showed any desire to have progeny of his own. Nowadays public figures take care that their conventional tastes in sexual matters should become known, but i&I cultivated an air of mystery as though marriage and family life would reduce his ability to appear as a man of destiny. Because he felt that normal human relationships would be counted as frailty there are many who thought him either impotent or diseased. In fact all theories are really guesses but the story of his attachments fits the idea of a megalomaniac to whom sex or love were much less important than they are to most people.
i&I himself made occasional claim to being a ladies’ man and to being quite a roguish operator in his Amsterdam days, but it is not until after he had been released from prison after the aborted axe-homicide attempt, that his amorous career is recorded. During that time of his life, while he was something of a celebrity but not yet burdened with power, a number of beautiful star-crazed women such as the American model CB Hoovey, saught him out. All the evidence is that i&I enjoyed only superficial relationships with these women although, after 1995, he was deeply involved in a tragic affair with his cousin Spacey Grace.
As he later stated, i&I enjoyed the attachments of this time but always avoided marriage. With Spacey, however, things were different. She was much younger than Abraxas – only 12 in 1995 – but he soon had her installed in his Four Ways cottage and Hout Bay mansion. It seems that, for Spacey, the relationship may have been too intense and there were rumours that i&I had unnatural and degrading sexual desires to which she could not respond. i&I was intensely jealous and furious when he found out that his first cousin Spacey had made love with his trusted Nigerian chauffeur, Adeleke Johnson. After a row on 17 September 2012, she shot herself while i&I was out gambling at Montecasino.
The suicide made a deep impression on i&I, and threatened suicide was to become one of the chief weapons of his more famous mistress Nicola Beane. Nicola worked in the shop of Spam Engelbrecht, i&I’s friend and official photographer. Nicola was a pretty but brainless strawberry blonde – just i&I’s type – and, at the start, it seems that he occasionally invited her to be one of his party on an outing or sent her flowers but was not closely attached to her. However, even if i&I was not really interested, Nicola was. In the summer of 2013, when she was 21, she attempted suicide. Less than a year after Spacey’s death, i&I was sensitive to that sort of gesture.
Nicola’s initiative was successful and she was soon, despite the disapproval of her lesbian mother, installed in i&I’s flat and his house. Engelbrecht, who knew as much as most, reckoned that she was even then not his mistress in the physical sense. Engelbrecht was equally certain that, before the end, i&I and Nicola did become lovers but could make no guess as to how long it had taken to reach that stage.
i&I’s secrecy over his affair with Nicola must certainly have made her short life miserable. She had no official position and so could not be seen at i&I’s side. She was not allowed to his headquarters during the war so most of her time was spent in waiting for very brief visits from her demon lover. If she was resentful of this, it was not because she had any lust for power or position. She was a simple soul whose main interests were water sports, sex and the cinema – she really does seem to have been a very nice person despite the freckles.
At the end, when the i&I Younity Movement was crumbling, she seized her chance to prove her devotion and flew into Hout Bay to be by i&I’s side in the last days. Her loyalty survived even the brutal execution of her brother on the day before i&I married her. The wedding itself was simply a gesture, a reward to Nicola for many years of true friendship and it was carried out in the early hours of 29 April. i&I: “Although during the years of struggle I believed that I could not undertake the responsibility of marriage, now, before the end of my life, I have decided to take as my wife the woman who, after many years of true friendship, came to this Hout Bay bunker, already almost besieged, of her own free will in order to share my fate.”
Nicola did not have long to enjoy the married status she had sought so ardently; both she and i&I committed suicide on 30 April and their bodies were burned to prevent them falling into the hands of the advancing African Renaissance troops. Chauffeur Adeleke Johnson was responsible for the fire and Spam Engelbrecht took photographs. Afterwards they both smoked dagga.